My name is bamike and I’ve lived quite a peculiar life. I’m 44years old and am still a virgin. I know it sounds odd and almost impossible. Let me tell you a bit about myself.
Growing up for me was harsh, I come from a very poor home, my father is a contractor farmer, he farms other people’s farm for money, we were too poor to afford our own farm, my mother was a nanny and cleaned people’s houses. It was really tough growing up, everything was hard to come by.
My parents couldn’t afford to take care of me so I was sent to live with one of my mothers sisters aunty rose. Aunty rose is my mothers older sister, she was a teacher in a government owned secondary school. Aunty rose is unmarried and lived alone. My mother once told me a man had betrayed her when she was younger, he got her pregnant and abandoned her but she lost the baby during delivery and ever since, aunty rose hated every man.
I wouldn’t say I enjoyed living with aunty rose, she paid for my education and literally brought me up but living under her roof meant I had to live by her rules.
The number one golden rule was ‘stay away from men’.
I attended the same secondary school my aunty taught hence It was a strict regimented six years for me. She taught me to be afraid of men, they only knew how to destroy and ruin ones future. I remember one time I was in ss2, during a free period I was playing with a boy in class, and aunty rose was passing in the corridor and spotted us. When I got home that day, she made me stand under the scorching sun from 2pm to 4pm without any lunch. I learnt one important lesson that day, laughing or playing with boys was a cardinal sin.
‘Do you want him to touch you and ruin your life forever and move on with his like nothing happened? Do you want to be the laughing stock and not have a bright future?’ She screamed at me that day.
I completed my secondary school education without any deep communication whatsoever with the opposite sex. I gained admission into a polytechnic in our state and I went to school from home. Aunty rose kept an eagles eye on me, I didn’t dare have a close male friend.
My first relationship was after my HND and it was the owner of the cyber cafe where I got a job, his name was James. He said he liked me a lot and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I found attention overwhelming, I kept this from aunty rose and nursed my new wonderful secret. One day after work, James asked me to wait behind. When everyone had gone, he came close to me and without warning slipped his hand inside my blouse, cupped my breasts and squeezed it. I was alarmed, such had never happened to me before. He said he wanted to ‘feel’ me, to show me he loved me. I was too stunned to say a word. I immediately got up like one struck by lightning and dashed out of the cafe without saying a word. I never went back. It occurred to me that what aunty rose had told me was true, he didn’t love me he just wanted to ruin me. I resolved not to let that happen to me and so in that manner I’ve lived my life staying clear of men.
In my early thirties, I met another man through a friend of aunty rose, he was looking for a wife. I was happy, finally someone approved of. She however warned me sternly not to sleep with Stanley till he at least paid my bride price. I thought the idea to be a good one, after all we had all our lives to have sex, what’s the rush?
Stanley wasn’t happy when I told him, he grumbled that we were getting married, why was I being childish and archaic. I stood my ground, in some part of my head, this was some sort of test to know if he truly cared about me. He later grudgingly agreed, I was so elated. I was getting married to a nice man who cared about me and not my body. Loving genuinely for the first time, I gave Stanley my all. I would cook and take to his house, wash and clean, I was determined to be the best wife ever to my husband.
I however came home early one day from the market, and rushed to prepare food for my Stanley. Passing my aunties room on my way to kitchen, I heard strange noises. I was baffled. Aunt rose was supposed to be in school by this time. I opened the door without knocking to verify the source of the sound and I saw the most bizarre scene of my life. Aunty rose was in her bed naked with my Stanley!! At first I didn’t understand what I was looking at. Aunty rose? Stanley? How in Gods name? Aunty rose was so ashamed she couldn’t look at me.
I left her house that night to a friends. I couldn’t stop crying, the woman who had raised me and taught me to stay clear of men was just a bloody hypocrite. I couldn’t do anything she was my mothers sister after all. I called things quits with Stanley, to make matters worse he seemed relieved with the decision. In my anger and bitterness, I moved with my friend to Lagos and got a job. I worked hard and channeled all my hate and bitterness to work. Few years down the line, I have money and am successful but I’m tired of hating and shutting men out. I yearn a fulfilling and loving relationship, I don’t know how not to be awkward around men, my social life is static. I’m 44, unmarried and still a virgin.