Yesterday wifey asked that I join her in a quick trip to the store since we were running low on home supplies. Not exactly sure why I had to be dragged in amidst other competing demands of my time but hey!!
Having been married all these years, one of the few lessons learnt is to gauge every situation and know when to save energy for the next fight. Besides, I was told it was a way of spending time together, a white lie we both came to adopt for the sake of peace.
Anyway, the plan was to leave around 9 and be back latest noon since we needed to drop off our son to his friend’s birthday party. By nine-thirty we were still home and doing God-knows-what and so this discussion ensured.
What seems to be the problem I asked, turning around to look at her.
“Well… it’s not always as easy as you think. You men gotta understand women are beautifully made but do carry on just a little differently”, she said with a smirk on her face.
Apparently so, I shot back in a tone to convey my frustration on the issue.
But why though? I asked
It wasn’t like we were going for a wedding or even having a simple date. By the last count, she had changed over three items of dressing with no sign we were nearing the end . I was getting a little exasperated on why it was so much of a hassle to pick out what to wear for such an inconsequential trip to the grocery store.
Then I continued…
Okay, but why did you change the top with the flowery pattern? It went so well with the brown baggy pants and I think it flattered all your features so beautifully. Sometimes it’s tough to know exactly what women want.
She quickly arched forward ,looking a little excited.
Oh, so you were paying attention? Well thanks! But seriously how in the world could I have known that though? For all it seemed,I could have as well been changing in front of the blind and mute since you never said a word. But am glad you did. Better late than never, right?”, she asked, turning towards me and flashing what I interpreted to be a winning smile.
This was not the first time we had those little fights. I have always demanded that my time be respected though I never believed anyone cared. This last one was a little different. The whole time she took the high road and made me look like a jerk. Something I swore to pay her back in one way or another.
After the encounter, I tried unsuccessfully to shrug off the important message my wife tried to convey subtly. Oh so now am the guy who don’t even pay compliments? I tried to rationalize that married men are too busy to care about certain things. But truth has a way of stubbornly staring you in the face. It defies braggadocio. I was pretty sure that was not the first time I fell short in my husband duty, even though wifey was kind enough not to rub it on my face. That worried me and deep down my ego was a little bruised. The only way to make peace with myself and save face at the same time was to ask for some help. Later that night,I had an earful as I attentively listened and obediently yielded to her wise counsel. It was shameful that even fifteen solid years after one still felt like a rookie.
Women are truly a special breed. Their outlook, perception and expectation of life is a little different from us. She might get all the compliments in the world but non makes more sense than that from her man. Maybe it has to do with the comfort of knowing fully well that yours is always going to be the most genuine.
“How could I have known that you liked it since you never said anything?”
Those few words were enough to pull my senses back for a serious reality check. So I have been so busy or too careless to neglect an important part of marital responsibility. The lack of spousal appreciation. In marriage, it’s a cardinal sin and may be a reason why big problems sometimes grow out of little things. Unfortunately men, most especially African men including yours truly are very guilty of this.
There is something to be said about African men especially Nigerian men. They are excellent providers and can do anything to take care of the family. If you have to compete for a lady’s love with a Nigerian man, you better have strong edge in many other things. No matter how hard you try you might still find yourself lagging behind our legendary propensity to spend. The problem is that we tend to neglect so many other areas that are vital to a good relationship. Sometimes we come to believe that to the extent that we can meet a lady’s material needs, that all is well. Nothing could be further from the truth. Did the Bible not warm us that man shall not live by bread alone?
Anyway, needless to say we went to the store and for once yours truly was even happy to part with lots of Benjamin. Maybe it was over correction for past transgressions but it felt good anyway. We even followed it up with a little date in her favorite Olive Garden. To top it off, I had a big pot of Onugbu soup steaming right in front of me within minutes of getting back home. No questions asked.
I have since learnt my lessons. Life truly is a journey and we keep drifting off and pulling back. We just have to be humble enough to admit our mistakes and open enough to confess it.
A happy wife is a happy life.