I felt so disappointed each time it happened. My wife was very understanding, but the thinly-veiled pain she felt each time left me deflated emotionally.
My ego was in the mud. I needed to do something fast.
In the office I confided in an older colleague. For the sake of privacy let’s call him Mr Oz. He smiled and told me he’d give me a pill that would solve my problem.
When he placed the pill in my palm he told me take it like an hour before having sex with my wife. I got home, popped the pill and waited for my wife to finish cooking so I’d eat and we’d do selima nkuli.
As I waited for my wife, I noticed I began to experience a headache that kept rising in intensity. My head pounded quite heavily. When my wife was ready for us to hit the sheets, my penis was shrivelled like a centenarian’s vein. The headache refused to abate and I didn’t perform wonders.
Back at the office the next day, I told Mr Oz what happened. He brought out the pills and a look at one he told me perhaps the milligrams he gave me wasn’t good for me. He advised that I should go for a lower one. At that point I was already aghast. I told him not to bother.
I got home that night and confessed to my wife everything that happened the night before. She was terrified and angry at the same time, but she saw through my struggles and promised she’d help me beat it. Her promise was solemn and factual.
What did I do and what happened?
- I felt safe and reassured because my wife prodived an emotional space for me. She didn’t curse me out or ram my ego into the mud.
To beat premature ejaculation, your partner’s disposition must be such that supports your decision on the journey to beat it. If your partner constantly slams you after each episode of failure, your anxiety levels will be so high that you can’t perform.
If your wife constantly berates you with her words each time your attempt fails, you may see sex as fearful. That can never help your situation.
The spousal support must be established. Both of you must have frank conversations about this if you’re to solve the problem.
- I began to study tantric sex. Growing up, lots of us learnt about sex from porn movies and what our fellow teenagers told us. For many guys, the end goal is just to ejaculate – a whambam approach that is selfish most times.
Tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of the body. It aims to move sexual energy throughout the body for healing, transformation, and enlightenment.
You can light scented candles in the room and play slow sensual music while both of you are enjoying yourselves.
This form of sex makes you focus on pleasuring your partner. It removes selfishness and that can aid with anxiety. Some forms of tantric sex can last up to 3 hours. That way you’re relaxed and can enjoy sex.
- I began to change diet. Doctors will tell you that refined sugars aren’t good for your sexual health. Nutritionists will tell you so. Note the word – refined sugar.
Refined foods, alcohol, and junks food contains refined sugars that aren’t good for your penile performances. Abolish them.
Instead, begin to go for natural sugars in fruits that are also act as aphrodisiacs. Natural aphrodisiacs are artichokes, asparagus, figs, oysters, strawberries, watermelon, tigernuts. Get the ones you can get and begin to consume. Watermelon is the easiest one can lay his hands on.
- Reduce your stress levels. Stress is a very powerful element that causes premature ejaculation. Mine was part of it. Sadly, many men are so under stress due to economic demands. They work lmlong hours and return home late. Men who live in Lagos that leave home at 4 AM and return at 10 PM are consistently under stress. Consequently, their sexual performances are weakened by stress.
Whichever way you can, reduce your stress levels. Rest adequately. Sleep adequately.
- Exercise. Though I didn’t do much of this back then, but health experts have established that exercise helps men sexually. It could be moderate to high strength exercises in the gym.
They say that regular exercise can boost your libido, improve your sex life, and reduce the chances of experiencing pain during sex. Strength exercises can increase your testosterone levels, but squats can also increase blood flow to the pelvic region,
- Allow your woman to be on top during sex. I know some men feel this is emasculatory, but when your woman is on top, she controls the game and allows you relax more. She does the thrusting and enjoys herself while controlling the rhythms. With her on top and communicating with you, she can easily pull away when you’re close to ejaculation, hindering it, and getting back on top when the pressure ebbs.
You also try out styles that don’t let you ejaculate easily. I can thump for minutes from the back and never ejaculate.
For me, I hardly ejaculate via doggy style, but missionary and with thumbs on my nipples, I’m in heaven. So, explore. Explore and explore.
- Be patient. It takes time for natural reversals to happen. It may be frustrating at first, but it happens. Be patient.
- Go check your vitals. Experts say diabetes and high blood pressure can affect sexual performances. So, go get your vitals checked. Check your blood sugar and blood pressure and if things are out of shape, you begin the journey of reshaping things.
I wish you well.
Emeka Nobis