Romance
Six factors that ruin marriages… Beware of them
Even though Nigeria is not among the top 10 countries with the highest divorce rates in the world, according to the Guinness World Records – with Maldives, Russia, Aruba, Belarus and the United States leading the chart respectively – it is worthy of note that marriages in Nigeria also run into troubled waters and at a rather disturbing rate.
Records from customary courts across the country highlight this.
Just three days ago, a Badagry Magistrate’s Court in Lagos State dissolved a 25-year-old marriage between a woman and her husband because of the man’s alleged stealing habit.
While the wife insisted that her husband was fond of stealing from her, in addition to his alleged refusal to perform his conjugal roles and being a womaniser, the man, on the other hand, denied the allegations, urging the court not to dissolve the marriage.
But, in granting the request of the wife that the marriage be dissolved, the President of the Court, Mr. Sakirudeen Adekola, said all efforts to reconcile the parties had failed. It was yet another failed marriage, even after 25 years.
In matters related to romantic relationships, it would seem that there would never be an end to surprises, whether pleasant or otherwise.
Granted that being in love, especially when it is reciprocated, could make living attractively worthwhile, there are times love stories turn sour and people who were once in love become sworn enemies and sometimes wish they had never met. And, notably, not all marital crises result in divorce; sometimes, the love they once shared only wane severely.
It is common to read about married couples going their separate ways due to ‘irreconcilable differences’, but findings have shown that those differences didn’t just come from nowhere; they are issues that could have been managed before spiralling out of control.
Thus, it would seem helpful to highlight the top factors that cause divorce in this part of the world, so that couples could avoid such things:
Infidelity:
This is no doubt one of the leading causes of divorce and troubles in marriage and both sexes are guilty of it. Ranging from alienation of affection to actual sexual involvement with someone else outside marriage, this factor and even mere suspicion of it, have led to the collapse of many marriages.
A consultant psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said couples need to avoid traces of infidelity and avoid temptations so as not to lose their marriages, given the impact it could have on their union.
He said, “This is a major cause of marital problem and it can be biological or social. There are some people whose personality make-up predisposes them to having very high libido. It could be a product of excessive hormone secretion, and if they have a partner who cannot cope with their sexual demands, they tend to resort to cheating. Also, there is the social factor, which could be as a result of peer influence. Therefore, couples need to avoid it.”
Incompatibility:
After physical attraction, one major factor that people are encouraged to pay attention to before deciding whether to go into a relationship or not is compatibility; to know if they could cope with the person’s lifestyle and character or not.
But findings have shown that marriages become problematic when couples make certain discoveries about their partners after living together for some time.
Elegbeleye said, “Several people take the issue of compatibility lightly, but it is a serious factor that people should pay attention to. There are a number of discoveries people make after marriage that would not be in consonance with their expectations from that person or what they are used to from that person.
“For example, differing preferences or it could be that the man or woman snores. As simple as it may sound, not everybody can put up with snoring. Over time, being faced with such a situation could lead to irritation and even hatred and that could be the beginning of their trouble. Or it could be that one of them is naturally dirty but the partner didn’t notice this until they got married. When couples make such discoveries and they find that they can’t cope with it, it might lead to a crack in the marriage.”
Financial challenge:
Issues that relate to finances is a major cause of stress in many homes and it is one other factor that has led to the collapse of many marriages. Sometimes, this happens when a man is unable to meet the financial needs of the home, or he lies about his income or is not doing enough to fulfil that obligation, especially when the wife is doing her best.
“This is a strong factor that couples should pay attention to because to an extent, it’s at the heart of the survival or otherwise of the marriage,” Elegbeleye said.
Strange habits:
There have been instances when people come up with habits their partners never knew them to have, such as smoking, binge drinking, among other behavioural patterns. Experts say it could be helpful if people discuss their tendencies.
According to Elegbeleye, the inability of the person’s partner to cope with such habits could lead to the end of the marriage.
“There are instancses where a man could have previously talked down on drinking or alcohol consumption, but all of a sudden, he could start drinking and doing things he was never known to do. That could be the end of that marriage because the woman may not be the type to put up with such,” he said.
Sexual dissatisfaction:
This could happen to both men and women, but for different reasons. Men are known to reach sexual satisfaction faster than women and so sexual dissatisfaction for men, most times, could be the woman’s non-cooperation during the act or when they have higher sex libido than the woman. Thus, they might not be getting enough from their wives.
But for women, dissatisfaction usually stems from the man’s inability to satisfy them during the act, which is the commonest reason and this is mainly because the nerves that should drive them to orgasm are located in the clitoris, which is at the upper part of the vagina, may not always be stimulated during penile intercourse.
On both sides, for such a man or woman who do not want to engage in extramarital affairs, the dissatisfaction could result in frustration, anger, nagging and lack of faith in the union.
“This is a serious issue that could lead to other things like nagging or lack of respect, due to frustration and helplessness. It’s usually a weapon to fight back,” Elegbeleye said.
Poor communication:
According to psychologists and marriage counsellors, the level of success of a marriage is dependent on the level of communication between the couple. #
They explain that communication helps couples to bond, resolve their differences, state their dissatisfaction, dwell in an atmosphere devoid of malice and even resolve issues emanating from in-laws.
Communication has also been found to help in eliminating a couple’s insecurities about each other, as they both feel free to discuss anything with their partner.
This, no doubt, helps to avoid wrong assumptions. In effect, when communication breaks down, the marriage is said to be heading for a collapse, partly because they could start talking to different persons, while the distance between them continues to widen.
“People expect their partners to live up to certain standards, like being articulate during conversations, exhibiting certain caution in the presence of visitors and family members, but even if the partner defaults in meeting up with that expectation, they can discuss it to avoid a recurrence,” Elegbeleye added.
Copyright: The PUNCH Newspaper.
Having a healthy looking skin is a priceless thing to possess for everyone be you a male, or a female.
And scientifically it is required of us to clean our pores so that those dead cells can be removed and a more beautiful skin can be reborn.
Although so many people think that a lot of money has to be spent on actually actualizing that, well it’s not totally true.
Because with the “do it yourself” hacks, that’s the DIY hacks, you can spend just a little money in getting the right ingredients you need to put together what you need for a healthy and beautiful skin instead of giving out a huge sum to purchase one.
So here, I’ll be showing you how to make your own glow scrub from this simple ingredients.
INGREDIENTS
- Sea salt (for a less sensitive skin) or Sugar(for sensitive skins)
1 cup is okay.
- Essential oil like (almond oil, olive oil, or any essential oil of your choice).
12 drops or enough to saturate your salt or sugar quantity.
- Vitamin E
2 to 4 drops.
- Any scent supplement of your choice (which is very optional).
Just enough drops to your taste.
METHOD
Note that if you have a very soft and sensitive skin, then you might just have to stick to using sugar instead of the sea salt. And if not, use the sea salt.
- Pour your salt or sugar into a clean bowl.
- Add the drops of your essential oil and start mixing.
- Add your vitamin E and mix
- Add your scent supplement and mix
By now it will be in a moist form.
Fill it into an airtight container and keep ready for use.
HOW IT’S USED.
Now before use, make sure to soak or moist your whole body with water, then get the amount of scrub you need into your palm and start scrubbing all over your body. Keep scrubbing till the particles are dissolved and you feel a smoother skin.
Now you can rinse it off and use your soap to finish bathing.
Do this 3 times a week as it is expected to exfoliate atleast thrice a week.
So try this and give your skin a more radiating look at a more affordable and easy way.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s very likely you want to know if he or she is the one.
“The one” here literally means the one you want to settle down with because there might be more than one person who you can like, or who you like, But there has to be just one person for you to settle down with.
So here are some signs to tell you if he or she is that one person for you.
1. Your dreams and goals are in synch:
Okay, your goals and values together might not be 100 percent exactly in sync, but you both share a very good considerable amount of goals together.
It could be your attributes, your ambitions, your personality, and so much more. But you just discover that you and the one are mostly sharing your goals and dreams together.
2. You feel safe and original around them:
When you’re with “the one” they make you feel so safe and original around them as you won’t have to hide your weaknesses when they are there.
You won’t have to be scared of saying or doing things ordinarily for the fear of them criticizing you.
There is just a balance of them letting you be yourself and at the same time helping you be a better version of yourself.
3. Their Imperfections are not enough reasons for you to leave them:
When you’re dating the one persay, you just have that love that compels you to want to see and bring out the best in them.
So their Imperfections are never a deal breaker for you. It could be how they look or behave, but instead of that scaring you away, it pulls you closer to them to help them be better. Same goes for them seeing you the same way.
4. They are always willing to work on the relationship:
Being in a relationship requires more than love. It requires understanding and the willingness to work together even in times of conflict. So when you’re dating the one, it just feels right that you both are always committed to making the relationship work especially in bad times. So that commitment towards it, shows you that you’re with the one unlike situations where some persons easily quit the relationship when things go rough.
5. You’ve faced challenges together and your relationship is still standing strong:
This is one very valuable point as it shows your deep level of love, understanding, and commitment towards each other whether emotionally, financially, physically and otherwise. If you both have faced some challenges together, and you always find a way to overcome it and still stick together, it means you are with “The one” no doubt.
6. You’re always featured in their future:
When you’re with the one, you just notice they are always including you in their plans and everything that’s very important to their lives. This shows how important they see and take you, and also how they really want you to be a part of them. The same goes for you. You just see yourself including them in your plans and future.
7. They talk about you and show you off:
Once you’re with the one, you’ll notice how well they show you off to their family and friends. They don’t keep you a secret as they’ll always want the people close to them to know about you. And they’ll often brag about you. Same goes for how you feel and act towards that one person you really desire.
8. You just feel it deep within:
When you’re with that one person, your guts just tells you so. Deep within everything about them just sits right with you and you feel it that he or she is the one. And truthfully, your instincts rarely mislead you. So you just trust it.
These primary signs tell you that you are with “the one”.
So I hope this article was helpful.
Do enjoy a great relationship life with that one person and thanks for reading.
A man who goes by the name “John” (real name withheld), has brought himself out to the media to disclose how he got married to his father’s wife.
According to him, he said it all started some years ago when he returned from the city to visit home. His dad who was married to three wives already at that time, was planning to still take in a Fourth wife.
He said he came from a polygamous family in the southern part of Nigeria as his mother is the second wife owing to the fact that his dad is a Chief.
So the life of polygamy wasn’t something rare or abnormal to his people. But to him, he was never cool with it.
In his own words, read his story.
“Coming from a polygamous family was never something to be proud of for me. Infact as a child, I detested my father so much for marrying my mother as a second wife. My whole family as at that time knew how angry being in the family made me feel. But nothing changed.
When I was 18, now my dad was already in his late 50s, the news of him wanting to take in a 3rd wife started spreading. I remember walking to my father angrily and threatening him (lolzz), well nothing changed. It didn’t stop him. He finally took in a very young lady in her 20s.
I was badly hurt with that new addition that I had to leave home. I traveled out to another state entirely to stay with my mum’s family.
I didn’t go home for years because I really wanted nothing to do with my dad and his polygamist personality.
10 years later, my step mum who was my dad’s first wife died so I had to come in for the burial.
Just after a week she was buried, my dad and his people decided it was time to marry another wife, that’s the fourth one now.
I went straight into the meeting of my dad and his elders and clearly gave a warning that my dad shouldn’t think of it because I will not sit still and watch that happen.
Well, I guess they thought I was joking until i did what I did.
Three days after their meeting, a very beautiful and young girl in her mid 20s was brought home to be my father’s wife.
At first, all I wanted to do was cause trouble by chasing her back and upsetting my father and his kinsmen. But when I saw how beautiful, calm and humble the lady was, I had to think of another strategy.
Now before you think I just dived in straight to take her from my father, noooo there was more to that.
By tradition, she was supposed to move into my father’s chambers one month after my step mum’s burial. But she has to be in the household before then to learn certain things from the other wives. So I had to use within that period to plan something different.
I started by confronting her the next day after she came. I got her into an interrogative discussion, and yes I was so rude to her. But after asking her so many questions as to why she would want to succumb to marrying someone old enough to be her dad, I got to find out that she was a very brilliant person with great dreams who was only trying to take care of her family and do their wish by marrying my dad because her family wouldn’t have it another way.
From that day, we got into more conversations, and I started seeing more to her than just a naive girl trying to obey her family.
Well, the truth is, when you keep getting closer to people or knowing them more, there’s every tendency to start liking them. And that was what happened.
I started liking her, well, even though nobody in the family noticed at the time, but I started hanging out with her and we really started going deep with our friendship.
And finally, the both of us fell in love within three weeks she came into our household.
I had to confide in my mum about the recent development, but she wouldn’t hear of it. But that didn’t stop me anyway.
I told myself, if I waited one more week, my beautiful found love will be married to my dad, and no one will back me to stop it.
So I did just one thing, some days to their marriage, after speaking to her with much assurance of a better life with me, The both of us eloped.
I already had money to start a new life, so it was all a little easy.
I dropped a letter behind for my mum and the family, changed my phone number, infact I went on ghost mode after running away with my father’s to be wife.
We started of in another state, we started of a business together, I pushed her to school and we really built ourselves for 5 years. Even though we stayed far and away from both our families as that was the sacrifice we had to pay, but in the end, it was worth it.
Message got to me in that 5th year that my dad was So sick and needed to see me as he might not make it.
I was scared but also desperate to fix things now by seeing him.
I went home finally, and to my surprise, instead of the hostile welcome I was expecting to meet, the whole family welcomed me.
My dad and I spoke about everything that had happened, I apologized and he said he was okay as long as I loved her. He told me how being a polygamist wasn’t his personality but he was not too bold to fight against tradition like I could.
Before my dad passed, I brought her home immediately and both her family and mine united together to get us married properly.
Today, we are doing incredibly okay with our lives and our kids.
And that was the end of forceful polygamy struggle in my family. It is now a matter of choice and not a force for who doesn’t want it.
So, this is the story of how I ended up marrying my father’s wife (almost to be wife anyway).
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