GR Diary
Suicide: My Journey to Hell!
No one wants to talk about suicide. Unfortunately most of us know someone who has been suicidal. Do you know the warning signs?
THE CURTAIN CALL
I don’t really know how long I sat in the car, but I know I sat a while. To anybody driving past I probably appeared like any other commuter parked by the roadside.I remembered a heated phone call. I remembered driving off from the cool shade under some leafy trees beside Okpara Square. I remembered driving to the outskirts of town, and stopping the car here.
I remembered looking at my phone and seeing 25 missed calls in 7 minutes.
I’m a man with problems.
I guess I had parked there for over 15 minutes because – even with the weather cool and the windows down, the car had started heating up. I opened the door and stepped out. A bus roared past me barely 4 feet from my door and I didn’t even flinch. I didn’t even share the look of shock, anger, and gratitude a lady driving right behind the bus had on her face. I just closed my door gently and walked slowly across the road. I knew it wasn’t wise to cross such a busy road so slowly and carelessly. Hell! It wasn’t even wise to park on a flyover, to start with. And as I got to the broken guardrail I knew it wasn’t wise to stand that close to it.
Another bus zoomed past and the disturbed air nearly threw me over the rail. I stood there with my eyes closed and willed my body to allow the air pass through me. I opened my eyes and chuckled. For years I had lied that I was JUST an average martial artist with a poor knowledge of yoga. If only people knew the truth. I am a scary freak of nature. I leaned forward to look over the guardrail at the road below. The drop shouldn’t be more than 30 feet. I chuckled as my mind flashed to music department. I remember leaping high over a rail and taking a 15 feet clear drop from a stage to a basement below. I didn’t tell anyone that I was going to do it, and the shrieks and gasps were exactly as I had hoped for. I chuckled again. They probably thought I’d practiced that jump. Nobody would’ve believed that my last jump before that one was a 22 foot drop from a building in 1999 (over a dare), and before then I had never jumped down from anything higher than 5 feet. Which is just above my vertical leap range.
All that was long ago. But still nothing has changed.
Yes, I am older now. But, what couldn’t I do? I could still somersault. I could still split. I could still kick objects up to 7 feet high. I could still see things far away. I could still hear things a mile away.
I still heard voices.
Lord!
I shook my head.
Not the time for despair.
A tanker zoomed under the flyover, on the road below, and I instinctively looked to catch a glimpse of it appearing on the other side, instead my eyes lit on my car and I smiled in admiration. My Scandinavian Brute. I’m still amazed that a car like that was actually sold to the public. It should be on the battlefield somewhere. Anyway, the keys were in the ignition, and it had enough fuel to get back to town. Unless some unlucky schmuck decides to go too far with it. I turned back to look at the guardrail and felt a vibration on my thigh. Oh my! I was so busy shutting the voices out I didn’t even know my phone was ringing. I checked the caller ID. The wolves are approaching. I chuckled again and returned the phone to my pocket. On second thoughts I pulled the phone out and looked at it again. A Sony Xperia less than a year old. It might just make someone happy. I pulled out the other (smaller) Xperia and laid both of them on the ground, by the guardrail.
As I straightened up the phone rang again. I checked the caller ID. This time a young pretty face was smiling at me. I smiled back sadly. For a second I considered picking the call, but thought better of it. Nah! It’s better like this. Why traumatize the poor girl.I look up at the sky. The weather had been good today. I pulled out my wallet and checked if my ID was there. I remembered dropping my Visa and MasterCard on my bed, with my pin code written on a piece of paper.
I looked over the guardrail again. Yes, about 30 feet. I wasn’t even fazed about the drop. Knowing myself I would probably flip twice and land on my feet, bored stiff. What are the chances of getting hit by a car. I looked at the speeding traffic.
No. I didn’t want to leave anything to chance.
I looked up. The sky seemed a bit darker. I glanced at some buildings about a mile away and noticed two goats squaring off.
Ah! Brilliant!
I looked at the road below again and smiled. I’d head-butted a nose or two in my younger days. This would probably be the mother of all headbutts.
I looked at the horizon, where the top of distant trees scraped the sky.
I thought about all my unfinished books, and movie scripts.
Attention disorder, insomnia, multiple personality…I chuckled. Some people think ‘Genius’, me, I think ‘Madness’.
Strangely, for a brief moment, I thought about Amaka. I almost wished I could have someone write this final chapter and send it to her.
Well. Too late for that.
I took off my hat and flung it away like a Frisbee. I paid 3k for that hat. Let some poor schmuck enjoy it.
I closed my eyes and blew a kiss in the air, and then I leaped.
I remember making that jump in music department. I could’ve just dropped softly from the stage. But no. Too boring for the Dawg. I had put my hands on the rail and boosted myself another 3 or 4 feet for a loud bone jarring landing on the basement below. The oos and ahhs from the audience was more than enough payment. Today I did the same. I lept like an Olympian and zoomed down like a fighter pilot to the asphalt below.
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Nah. It’s not always true. Sometimes death is so instantaneous you don’t even have time for a thought. Just before I lept, all I thought was about my mother, and how disappointed she would’ve been if she were alive.
One second I was in the air, the next I was in the hospital with both arms and a leg amputated, extreme head trauma, two broken ribs, nerve damage, a shattered jaw and badly shattered pelvis.
I noticed a black curtain was covering the right side of my bed, so I knew I must be in very bad shape.
Somehow, I also knew I had bitten off my tongue.
It was there on the hospital bed that I had time to think. I thought about what I did. How I would never drive again. How I would never have women come after me again. How I would never play basketball again.
How I had been such a weakling to take a coward’s way out…and now a world-class failure, who even failed at taking his own life.
I thought about my little sweetheart, and how much I had disappointed her. I thought about Genevieve Nnaji, and how I would never be able to profess my love for her.
I wanted to shed a tear, but I couldn’t feel my face. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t feel anything. I could only control my eyes. Oh my God! My eyes! The black ‘curtain’ I thought I saw, was actually a blank space on my face. It just hit me; I had also lost an eye!
I shut my good eye and listened. I could hear two doctors talking somewhere nearby. I heard a faint squeaky sound. Probably a trolley somewhere.
Wait!
Oh My God!
It’s not about what I heard. It’s about what I didn’t hear. The voices were gone! Oh my God! They are gone! They are gone!
Ahhh! So, this is how it feels to be normal?
I’m not a total failure then. I achieved something. I got rid of the voices.
Maybe I paid too great a price, but eternal peace is just around the corner.
I took a final look at the ceiling, closed my eye and tried holding my breath. I realized I couldn’t control my lungs. I turned my good eye to the left and saw a funny looking glass cylinder, with some weird stuff inside moving slowly and in a timely fashion, up and down, up and down.
Oh, that’s great. Now I’m breathing through a machine. That’s just wonderful.
A picture caught my eye and I strained to look at it. It was a picture of my car. Someone had used a sharp object to draw a long jagged line on the driver’s side.
Noooooo! Not my baby! Noooo!
Who would do that? Who could be so wicked? And, which insensitive baboon decided to torture me with the picture?
My final thought was of how I wished I hadn’t jumped. And how I wished I could jump off the bed and whup the culprit’s behind.
And then, I opened my eyes. It took me a while to realize I was still parked under the leafy trees beside Okpara Square, and my phone was ringing.
It was just a creditor. Not a wolf.
I chuckled.
Yes, I’ve got problems. Everybody has got problems.
And what’s the point in being a company attack-dog if you can’t take a beating or two for the team.
A currently very broke attack-dog, that is. Ha! I laughed a little.
Some traces of laughter was still in my voice when I answered the phone.
“If you suffer, thank God. It’s a sure sign that you are alive.” – Elbert Hubbard.
– Arinze Nduanya
Website: www.arinze.nduanya.com
Favebook: www.facebook.com/arinze.nduanya
Email: [email protected])
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The stage is set, the anticipation is palpable, and the excitement is already building as SIFAX Group unveils its lineup of top gospel artists for the much-anticipated 2024 SIFAX Group Thanksgiving and Night of Praise celebration.
The event is set to hold on Thursday, December 12, 2024, at the Lagos Marriott Hotel, Ikeja, Lagos.
The night’s lineup features an array of celebrated gospel stars, including Bidemi Olaoba, Laolu Gbenjo, Beejay Sax, Adeyinka Alaseyori and Chigozie Wisdom.
The event will also feature performances from Woli Agba, Titilayo Eyinjujesu, Abosede Akande, Nonny Chorale and Daminator Dance Group.
Themed I will Rejoice, the event, which is in its second year, promises an uplifting atmosphere filled with soulful melodies, heartfelt prayers, and vibrant expressions of gratitude for the milestones and blessings of the year.
Dr. Taiwo Afolabi, Group Chairman, SIFAX Group, said the event was an avenue to appreciate God for his faithfulness in the outgoing year:
“We are thrilled to bring together our board, management, staff, clients and other stakeholders to celebrate the goodness of God we have enjoyed in 2024.
It has been an interesting year laced with a lot of challenges and accomplishments.
This Night of Praise reflects our commitment to showing gratitude to God for His divine support for our businesses and our people.”
Attendees can expect electrifying live performances, a vibrant choir, and opportunities for communal worship, all within a beautifully curated setting designed to uplift and inspire. The event will also feature special segments for praise, worship, and words of encouragement from renowned speakers.
The event will be livestreamed on all the company’s official social media channels to extend the experience to the company’s online community.
Events
Speakers to Discuss How to Restore Nigerians’ Confidence in the Judiciary
…A collection of eminently qualified personalities will on Friday November 29 engage in the discourse on how to bring back the confidence of Nigerians in the nation’s judiciary.
The event, the Gavel International Annual Lecture with the theme: “The Judiciary as the last hope of the common man, media and legal perspectives” will be hosting Prof Hope Eghagha, Mr. Richard Akinnola, Mr. Ebun-Olu Adegboruwa SAN, Mrs. Joke Layi-Babatunde, and Mrs. Asabe Waziri as the panel discussants.
The panel will be coordinated by Chief Anthony George-Ikoli SAN.
At the event, the Attorney General of the Federation and Minister of Justice, Prince Lateef Fagbemi will deliver the Keynote Address while Nigeria’s top business lawyer, Mr. Gbenga Oyebode MFR will serve as chairman Former General Secretary of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), Mr. Dele Adesina SAN will deliver the main lecture.
George-Ikoli is a former Attorney-General of Bayelsa State and the first Senior Advocate from the state. A passionate advocate of the Justice system, George-Ikoli will bring his wealth of experience to bear on the discussions.
Prof Eghagha, is a highly experienced teacher of English Literature and Literary Analysis at the Faculty of Arts, University of Lagos and researcher of dramatic theory and criticism.
He is a playwright, poet, novelist, biographer, columnist and member of The Guardian newspaper’s editorial board. Through his weekly newspaper opinion articles, he explores the complex challenges facing Nigeria.
Prof. Eghagha also served as the Commissioner for Higher Education in Delta State from 2009 to 2014. In 1999, he was named Honorary Colonel of the Commonwealth of Kentucky United States, and Honorary Captain of the Belle of Louisville.
A distinguished academic Eghagha was made appointed professor in 2010. He was also Acting Dean of the Faculty of Arts, University of Lagos in 2015 and Head of the Department of English, University of Lagos from 2016 to 2019. In December 2023, he was appointed Education Consultant to the Delta State Government.
Richard Akinnola is a legal affairs journalist, legal historian, media law specialist, media trainer, and author of 18 books on law, media, human rights and politics.
A respected law columnist, at various times, he was a pioneer staff of The Guardian, Vanguard, and Judicial Editor of the Concord Group. One of the founders of Civil Liberties Organisation (CLO), the first Human Rights body in Nigeria, established in 1987, he is currently Director, Centre for Media Law and Advocacy, member of the Board of Partnership for Justice and founder of Richard Akinnola Foundation and NGO that takes care of widows of journalists and activists. Akinnola is the publisher/Editor-in-Chief of COURTROOM; Publisher/Editor-in-Chief of MEDIA LAW and Publisher/Editor-in-Chief of CORRUPTION CASES JOURNAL.
Ebun-Olu Adegboruwa, Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN), is a well regarded rights advocate and legal luminary. Adegboruwa attended the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, the Nigerian Law School, Lagos, and was called to the Nigerian Bar in 1995. He served as counsel at Gani Fawehinmi Chambers from 1995 to 2000 and later founded his law firm, Ebun-Olu Adegboruwa & Co.
He has been an activist and rights crusader for most part of his life. He was the Public Relations Officer of the Student’s Union of Obafemi Awolowo University, and later the Union’s President.
He was a member of the Senate of the National Association of Nigerian Students and member of the Committee for the Defence of Human Rights, Civil Liberties Organization, Campaign for Democracy, President, GSM Subscribers and other Phone users Association of Nigeria and founder of Law and Justice Forum and Millennium Legal Support Services.
He is also a Pastor at the Redeemed Christian Church of God.
Mrs. Adejoke Layi-Babatunde is an alumnus of Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile Ife and the Nigerian Law School, Lagos. She is a results-driven and accomplished law publisher with an exceptional talent for developing and launching new publications. With a keen eye for detail and exceptional interpersonal and communication skills, Layi-Babatunde easily stands out and is well known for her collaborative approach to leadership.
She is an author and life coach and sits on several boards. She has featured as a keynote speaker in several national and international conferences. Her editorial board position at a legal entity covering Africa reflects her deep industry involvement.
She has spearheaded pivotal roles, including being Deputy CEO at Lawbreed Limited, driving publication of Supreme Court judgments and publications aimed at equipping lawyers for greater success as well as overseeing corporate social relations. Her blend of experience, skills, and commitment positions her as a valuable asset to organizations at various phases of growth and this has earned her several awards one of which is the ESQ Nigeria Legal awards Amazon of the Year 2021.
Mrs. Layi-Babatunde started her career at the Legal Department of Nigeria Industrial Development Bank (now Bank of Industry. She is a life member of WIMBIZ (Women in Business and Management), Lagos Chamber of Commerce & industry, Chairperson, Mentoring Committee of FIDA Lagos chapter and FIDA International Editorial Board and the vice-chairperson of the Professional Development Committee of the Ikeja chapter of the Nigerian Bar Association.
Asabe Waziri is a petroleum engineer and a respected professional in the oil and gas industry, with nearly three decades of experience. She is also the founder of the Asabe Waziri Justice Advocacy Initiative (AWJAI), an organization inspired by her profound encounter with injustice. Driven to help others navigate the complex Nigerian justice system, Asabe established AWJAI to address critical issues faced by vulnerable communities.
In just over a year, AWJAI has made significant strides in combating illegal evictions, gender-based violence, monitoring compliance with the Administration of Criminal Justice Act (ACJA), addressing professional misconduct, and tackling prison overcrowding.
The Publisher of Gavel International, Mustapha Ogunsakin explained that the 2024 annual lecture is designed to kick off conversations on the restoration of confidence of the Nigerian people in the nation’s judiciary which appears to be at an all time low.
“During the #Endsars protests in 2020, a very major court building, the Lagos High Court, Igbosere was razed by a mob. We saw the horrendous pictures of the burnt court, particularly one of the arsonists in a lawyer’s garb of wig and gown, with a machete in his hand. For me, that is very scary imagery. We must begin to restore the hope of the common man, if not in other organs of government, but in the judiciary. The other alternative is anarchy,” he said.
Ogunsakin posited that legal and media professions saddled with direct constitutional roles in the judicial system are best positioned to restore confidence in the judiciary. “While the role of the legal profession is statutory, the media has the responsibility to represent the people by covering and reporting court proceedings, except it has to do with national security or cases involving minors. That is why the constitution made provision for a public gallery in every court where journalists occupy to report cases and disseminate to the public,” he noted.
Gavel International has over the years hosted lectures and conferences in pursuit of its guiding principle — Rule of Law. In 2015, Gavel International presented a book, “For the love of their Nation, Lawyers as Agents of Change in Nigeria’’ authored by the publisher, Mustapha Ogunsakin.
The public presentation of this book was done by the then Vice President, Prof Yemi Osinbajo SAN. Others in attendance at the event include Mr. Eyitayo Jegede SAN, then the Attorney General of Ondo State, Chief Anthony George-Ikoli SAN, the first SAN from Bayelsa State and a former Attorney General of the State, Mr. Ade Ipaye and a host of others.
In 2020 when the COVID-19 pandemic raged, it managed to host a stellar webinar conference, bringing together some of the most brilliant minds across the country to discuss on the topic: “Media Coverage of Virtual Court Proceedings: Prospects and Challenges. Prof. Osinbajo delivered the Keynote Address and was joined by others like human rights activist, Femi Falana SAN, Bode Olanipekun SAN, Prof Chidi Odinkalu, Dr Reuben Abati to discuss the topic.
Events
Hamzat, Abiru To Speak on Impactful Empowerment For Nigerians At TheGazelleNews Annual Public Lecture
TheGazelleNews, a leading online newspaper, is set to host its much-anticipated annual public lecture on Thursday, December 5, 2024, at the Radisson Blu Hotel, Isaac John Street, GRA, Ikeja, Lagos.
This year’s lecture will focus on a topic of crucial national importance: “Poverty Alleviation: Fantasies, Expectations, and Realities of People’s Empowerment.”
The event will convene distinguished speakers, thought leaders, and government officials to address the challenges and practical solutions surrounding poverty reduction and empowerment in Nigeria.
It will feature Dr. Kadri Obafemi Hamzat, Deputy Governor of Lagos State, as the Guest Speaker, who is expected to bring a wealth of experience in governance and infrastructure development to the discourse. As the Keynote Speaker, Senator Mukhail Adetokunbo Abiru, a renowned legislator and financial expert, will share valuable insights into policy-driven approaches for sustainable poverty alleviation.
A dynamic panel discussion will follow, featuring prominent personalities: Engineer (Dr.) Adekunle Olayinka, FNSE – Special Adviser on Works to the Lagos State Government; Ms. Abisola Olusanya – Commissioner for Agriculture and Food Systems, Lagos State, who will provide perspectives on the agricultural sector’s role in empowering communities; Comrade Tosin Adeyanju – Executive Secretary of the National Lottery Trust Fund (NLTF), focusing on community development through structured funding and Honorable Rasaq Ajala – Executive Chairman, Odi-Olowo/Ojuwoye LCDA, who will be contributing insights on local government initiatives.
Goodwill messages will be delivered by: the Senate Leader, Senator Micheal Opeyemi Bamidele; the Chairman of the Senate Committee on Environment, Senator Yunus Abiodun Akintunde; the Chairman of Winners Golden Group, Honourable Idowu Osuolale Obasa; and the Special Adviser to the President on Public Communications and National Orientation, Chief Sunday Dare.
The event will be graced by prominent personalities in government and public service, with Nigeria First Lady, Senator Oluremi Tinubu, CON, serving as the Special Guest of Honour; Senate President, Senator Godswill Akpabio as the Chairman of the occasion and the Lagos State Governor, Mr. Babajide Olusola Sanwo-Olu, will be the Chief Host.
The Father of the Day is seasoned politician noted for his connection with the people especially at the grassroots level, Senator Ganiyu Olanrewaju Solomon (GOS), and Mother of the Day, Her Excellency Princess Adejoke Orelope-Adefulire, reflecting her longstanding commitment to social empowerment and women’s issues and of course her role as the Senior Special Assistant to the President on Sustainable Development Goals.
In a celebration of excellence and dedication to public service, TheGazelleNews will present its prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award to Prince Tajudeen Oluyole Olusi, Chairman of the Lagos State Governance Advisory Council (GAC).
A highly respected political figure and royal prince from the Akinsemoyin ruling house of Lagos, Prince Olusi has made impactful contributions as a former Lagos City Councilor, House of Representatives member in the Second Republic, and Commissioner in Lagos State. His award highlights a career marked by unwavering dedication to Lagos and its citizens.
The day’s proceedings will be hosted by the dynamic compère duo, Gbenga Adeyinka and Feyikemi Niyi-Olayinka, who promise to guide the audience through an engaging and memorable event.
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